Forex Humour

Money can buy a House............But not a Home
Money can buy a Bed..............But not Sleep
Money can buy a Clock............But not Time
Money can buy you a Book.........But not Knowledge
Money can buy you Medicine.......But not Health
Money can buy you Sex............But not Love

An individual was boasting to her friend: 'I am responsible for turning my husband into a millionaire." At which point, their friend inquired as to the status of their husband before marriage; "Well," was his answer, "a billionaire!" Priests informed the crowd, "I have both good news and bad news for you: the good news is that we now have enough funds for our new construction program, while it remains possible that money may still come out of pockets. If you owe one hundred dollars, the problem rests squarely with you; when it reaches one million, however, that becomes their responsibility.

No one could possibly have amassed a billion dollars if their finances could be counted accurately. Once upon a time, an individual appeared in a town and announced to its inhabitants that he would purchase monkeys for $10 apiece. When word spread that there were many monkeys nearby, their inhabitants immediately set out into the forest in search of these exotic beasts to capture. Once this individual had purchased thousands of dollars at $10 each, villagers ceased their efforts as supplies of monkeys began dwindling. When he announced that he would now purchase at $20 per purchase price, villager efforts to capture monkeys resumed once again. Soon thereafter, supply decreased even further and people returned to their fields to harvest their own food. Prices per monkey increased significantly until there were so few available that capturing one was almost impossible.

At that point, he made the announcement that he would buy monkeys for fifty dollars each! Unfortunately, due to business-related travel obligations, his assistant would now make purchases in his behalf. While the man wasn't present, his assistant addressed those gathered there by offering to sell all the monkeys from within the cage for $35 each; upon his return from the city they could resell them at $50. All the monkeys were purchased by locals once they had collected all of their savings and bought all the animals themselves, not seeing either the guy nor his assistant; all they saw were monkeys! At this point, you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.

It should be noted that this term may also refer more broadly to any analyst who specializes in day-trading stocks; however in this case it is specifically about someone providing paid foresight into movements happening within stock markets with respect to equities traded on a daily basis. At lunch time in the afternoon, you have an opportunity to return all of the money that was made during the morning (for more details see Friday). Anyone who glances at their screen immediately after completing a profitable trade is an ideal candidate for becoming your apprentice.

When waiting a long time and need to use the bathroom, complete an "average down." For those short on time and in need of relief quickly, "average up" refers to an alternative option for taking care of their business needs. "Bad trade" or "stupid trade" refers to any lost deal executed by another party that does not match your trading plan and goes contrary to your strategy. When long, "bottom" refers to the precise moment at which you stop employing an averaging down strategy and sell, while in short selling it's the point at which the book suggests selling.

If you have experienced two consecutive wins or five consecutive losses in succession, then a break should be granted to you. A "broker" refers to someone who has done their research thoroughly and holds a permit to legally lose your money for an extra fee. After closing off a deal, be sure to examine its chart in order to assess what went wrong and determine where your shorting went wrong. A cheap stock is defined as one which will decrease in value immediately when shorted; unfortunately there are six positions available when shorting.

Coyote Syndrome refers to a condition in which you must gnaw at your arm in order to avoid clicking the mouse again. Day trading refers to entering and exiting the market quickly - similar to an "arm"-gnawing game! "Doubling up" refers to your current state after purchasing additional items instead of selling those you already had, rather than trading those currently held back onto a secondary market. It should only last temporarily before another trade takes place.

Every stock that can be invested in without prior knowledge yet yield a profit is considered an outstanding company. A position trade that moves against you immediately after taking it represents long-term investment risks. High-priced stocks are investments that will grow exponentially when you decide to stop purchasing them. An expert is defined as someone who is new to trading but who has yet to start (for further information, see "Licensed Expert").

Fossils refers to those making less than ninety transactions per day while "freaks" refers to anyone capable of making three consecutive profitable transactions within 24 hours - which is known as three consecutive profitable trades being completed successfully within a period of 24 hours (also referred to as three successive profitable transactions or successful streaks).
Friday is the day when you can use all that you have created during the previous week to return it (for more information, see the afternoon). Fundamental analysis is used to ascertain whether or not it is possible to short a stock. Gap ups in the stock market occur when a stock begins higher than it closed the previous day. If you buy it, its value will drop, while shorting will cause it to continue upwards movement. An apprentice would consider you an exceptional trader if three consecutive luck outs occurred simultaneously. Stop (stock)- (open position) expecting either great news or devastatingly terrible news is one of the most terrifying things ever created.

One of the highlights is selling into the rise as someone on television discusses all the reasons why a stock is exceptional. When considering any trade, inform someone else first before proceeding alone with it. An individual with over fifteen grand in their account and dealers that have been present for longer than three months are considered Huge Players. Idiots who offer you their shares in order to cover short positions won by you are defined as such and an IPO stands for "expensive cyanide." Initial Public Offering (IPO): An Expensive Cyanide Flambe with Additional Sugar A Joker is defined as a professional who takes a break and goofs around giggling to himself (for more information see "Pro, Break").

The Devil outlines an extraordinarily complex scheme to quickly drain away massive sums of money in Hell, which corresponds to its second level. An individual who holds a Series 7 licence but has yet to begin trading is known as a Licensed Expert. A loudmouth is defined as any person who provides false advice while you are engaged in a losing trade." 2. A man struggling to draw his weapon then exclaims "It's running!" when he finally squeezes it. An example of lucky trading would be an accomplished deal done by another party but which does not perfectly correspond with your plan.

Lunch money" refers to money that is spent or lost between eleven in the morning and one in the afternoon in Western time zones, typically between 11:00 am and 1:00 pm and 1:00 pm respectively. Unfortunately, no day trader has ever devised an investment system which guarantees against financial loss except for one who developed one - manager. Margin is a term referring to situations with no risk and significant potential rewards (if you're the one making losses). Unfortunately, margin is also often used by unseen forces to trick people into spending more than they actually have available to them - creating situations in which there is no danger and potential gain (in case they're losing). It is an evil scheme designed to scam money out of people when there is actually plenty available for investment elsewhere.

Should Your Clearing Business Commit an Accounting Error What are the implications if any accounting errors occur in your clearing business? Market makers are those individuals positioned behind you who use covert video surveillance systems. Their job is to take the opposite side of every losing transaction you execute; similarly, anyone buying your successful long position is an idiot who should never be trusted with money. Moving average is a wavy line that does not influence price movement when an open position exists, used extensively in trading.

An unsuccessful trade can be one of the most harrowing experiences ever. Exiting at a loss, changing positions on a stock and then witnessing it go in the direction you would have predicted it to go are all heartbreaking experiences. Position trades refer to day trades which move immediately in the opposite direction shortly after you enter them, often the result of one individual at the trading centre always smiling but never speaking (for more information, see Joker). Scalping refers to any trade wherein you lose an eighth at a time. Each and every trade that you do not reveal when asked by the Apprentice about how your performance is called a secret trade. Finally, short lists are daily lists of stocks which continue their upward momentum without ever going back down again - an example would be Microsoft shares or Facebook or Amazon shares that never go down but stay firmly up!

Short list requests are submitted to a clearing company and contain all stocks that could have been shorted yesterday and can still be shorted tomorrow, but you cannot short today.
Short squeeze is when someone you do not know makes an attempt to harm or injure you and/or your family in some way, usually unjustifiably. This typically happens when people perceive you as short but can happen even when tall people make such attempts against their lives and interests. Short squeeze is most prevalent when individuals are perceived to be less than brilliant; conversely when one considers oneself intelligent they can also suffer the short squeeze phenomenon.

If your stop limit lapses and you decide to increase your position instead of exiting, that constitutes an exceptional circumstance (for more details, refer to Long Term Investment).
When your deal goes through successfully, the spread will share in its profits; otherwise it could be exploited by unscrupulous market makers looking to take advantage of you. System Trade is the term you use when explaining to an Apprentice why their trade did not meet expectations.

Technical analysis can be defined as the practice of chanting and voodoo without using animal blood (Pint and Figure) - truly bizarre forms of Vodou that do not involve animal sacrifice, animal sacrifice or even chanting (Point and Figure). Top is defined as the point on a chart when stock retrace back very rapidly before you get out (if shorting). When long, this point marks where cover needs to be applied in order to take full advantage of being long. Within any room of day traders, only the trainer has never engaged in day trading themselves.

A trend line is an imaginary line that appears on price charts and only shifts when markets close or when no one is actively watching them. Once markets close, any day that you finish "Up On The Day" without incurring ticket fees counts as being "Up On The Day." Uptick - (if it lasts) provides some temporary hope, although fleeting; without an entry position to fill, the Market Maker allows everyone else to participate. This presents another chance to make shorting lucrative investments. Increase in Volume - (in an open position) an open certification that either confirms that you are either the most intelligent person on earth, or the most stupid (no position provided). Even without realizing it, this test has proven your credentials as the smartest person alive on earth.

Funny Trading Book Names That Have Been Collected Its A Twilight Zone Approach to Business. I Made Twenty Dollars Trading on the Stock Market Volume for Open Market Trading is likely to be high. Assuming You Want To Trade Traps Stockings As Well :A Guide for Making Money There if So Wall Street Trading Is for Idiots
Future, Pricing, and Available Options To Put an End to Martingale Its My Trading Trunk Is Waiting
An Examination of Market Technical Characteristics
Unlocking Fortune through Book Selling on Stock Markets: Lizards of the Market Lucky
Recollections and Observations from a Commission Generator
Negotiating Terms of a Bankruptcy Filing

On his first week at his new job, a new manager visited the Broker office of his replacement company. On their final day together, one manager who was leaving informed the new one that there were three numbered envelopes left in their desk drawer if any situation arose that they couldn't solve; these envelopes had three numbers on them to help guide any necessary action or decisions that may need to be taken immediately.

Three months pass and there is great drama as everything falls apart, leaving the manager feeling increasingly threatened by it all. Recalling his predecessor's parting words, he opens one envelope to find that contains a note with "Blame your predecessor!" if this works he can escape responsibility and free himself of accountability. At first, the firm experienced a decrease in revenue and market disruptions around six months after the initial event. After looking through both envelopes, its manager saw "Reorganise!" written across one and swiftly implemented this directive to quickly recover from setback.

Three months later, when facing his next dilemma, he opens the third envelope and discovers a note saying to prepare three envelopes. Before Albert Einstein passes on and enters heaven, his chamber was not yet complete for him to move into. A doorman informed him that due to limited resources available they are sorry that their room will have to share space with other people; we apologize if this inconveniences anyone; this is all we can offer at this point in time." Einstein stated that Albert's intelligence level of 180 was no cause for alarm and so they decided not to make such a fuss about it. Once in, however, Albert was introduced to all those living there at once - including Einstein himself! Albert then entered their dormitory where the doorman took care in showing them to their rooms - where Albert met all their residents as an introduction for themselves:

"Wonderful!" Albert exclaims, ecstatically. "Let's discuss mathematics!" May I introduce your new housemate? His intelligence level stands at 150! Now let's move on to Physics!" echoes Albert. "Let me introduce to you your third housemate; his IQ is one hundred!" contul It is simply amazing! Let's discuss all the latest plays that have hit Broadway!
At that very moment, another individual emerges from the crowd to shake Albert's hand and explain that their IQ was only 80. "So," Albert inquires with a smile, "what do you think will happen with interest rates going forward?"